Breakdown And Medications: Guest Post By Katy

A friend and I hadn’t heard from each other for about a month. Shortly after my birthday, we got together to catch up over some coffee. As we sat and talked, there was a rather uncomfortable misunderstanding. They up and left our meeting without giving me a chance to explain myself.

I sat there for about five minutes, waiting and wondering and giving them a chance to come back.

They didn’t come back.

So I grabbed my coffee and drove home. As I did, I cried and screamed at my windshield. There was makeup running down my face. I looked like a hot mess. This person had been texting my mum and told her that I was unstable and needed to be on meds.

I pulled up outside my house, but I couldn’t go in because there was someone else home, so I drove to my grandmother’s house. I cleaned myself up, put some gas in my truck and drove down to my aunt’s house where she was. It was a drive that I very much needed because I was putting more distance between myself and the situation that had just occurred.

About two and a half weeks later, I wound up back at my grandmother’s house helping her with something. I wound up having a complete breakdown. I was screaming and crying all over again.


I told her about how I hadn’t been taking any kind of medication for the past like eleven months. How this person was trying to guilt and almost force me back to taking meds because of their situation and opinions. How I couldn’t go back to the same psychiatrist I’d had before ,because they were out-of-network now. How I was afraid of the shame I would inevitably feel as people found out I was taking medication.

Things she said were finally starting to click. I got on her laptop and started looking for a psychiatrist that took my insurance. It was an extremely overwhelming and frustrating process. In the end, I called fifteen different psychiatric offices before finding one that was taking new patients, accepted my insurance, and could get me in quickly.

When I finally had my appointment, I spent an hour talking with the psych nurse. It was a very different set-up than the previous places I had been to for psychiatrists. I was comfortable with her almost immediately. She let us get off-topic a couple times, but always brought us back to what we needed to discuss. There was no shame felt in admitting things from my past.

My previous Bipolar Disorder Type II diagnosis was thrown aside, and I was given a new diagnosis. Depression with manic elements. It made so much more sense. I didn’t have the mania, or hypomania, that comes with bipolar disorder. I had only experienced it once, and I’m pretty sure it was because of a medication that I’d been taking at the time.

She prescribed Zoloft and Seroquel. The Zoloft is for my depression, and the Seroquel at a low dose as a mood stabilizer plus to help with my sleep. So far things seem to be doing ok. I go back for a follow-up appointment soon, and I’ll find out if she wants to adjust dosages or keep me where I’m at. Either way I’m ok with it. I’m just glad I’m finally getting the help I’ve needed for a long time.

I started a notebook for all my psychiatric stuff after the first appointment. In the back I keep medications and dosages. In the front is emotional notes and any side effects that I might experience. This will hopefully help us in keeping better track of how the medications are doing for me because it can be difficult to remember things that happened shortly after my last appointment if it was a month ago.

People have asked me why I finally listened to someone and am getting help for my mental health, and that can be difficult to answer. I’m doing it for me. But I’m also doing it because my daughter deserves to be able to know her birthmom when she grows up.

Say what you will about my doing it for her, but I don’t care. I know what my full reasons are, and that’s all that matters.

Here’s to hoping everything goes well with my newest leg of my mental health journey.

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Katy is a coffee addict, an admirer of tattoos, an avid reader, and a mental health warrior. She is the birthmom to a beautiful little girl. She enjoys curling up under blankets with cups of coffee/tea and reading books or watching Gilmore Girls episodes.

You can read more from her on her blog. You can also follow along with her life on her Twitter or Instagram.

Trans – A Social Construct: Will Van Stone Jr

I have a theory and it’d not about bunnies. Haha, a Buffy the Vampire Slayer joke that has jack-squat to do with this post but I just couldn’t stop myself; Buffy forever! But, seriously, there are some thoughts – perhaps of an unpopular variety – that I want to put out there for public consumption, digestion and regurgitation. Here’s to (maybe) an energized conversation that doesn’t include too many mean names (but if you feel to use those mean names, please try some originality; really go for the gold).

Okay, first thing: I not trans. Now that shouldn’t matter but some people might wonder as they read through this so I figured I’d answer that question before it’s asked, though knowing that might make my ideas not worth the ink used on the first draft but for transparency’s sake, there it is. Also, I am a member of the LGBTQIA+ community (you’ll find my peoples under the third letter there) which I only say ‘cause that question might also pop up in some brains and that’s cool ‘cause I don’t mind saying it. So, yeah.

Alright, let’s begin, eh?

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Just as “race” isn’t a real thing science documents, and rightfully so, I don’t think a person being trans is a biological fact; I believe it’s a social construct designed to create a space (or spaces) for people who don’t fit into the rigid gender roles society has, over many generations, instilled in us as normal. Well, those ideals aren’t as natural as our ancestors would want us to believe as cis is also a social construct and has no basis in biology.

Still there? I know, this might all seem rather close to mean or offensive or bigoted but it’s not, I promise. This is in no way a slap against those within the trans community; I’m not denying a person’s feelings about who and what they are and would never tell someone they’re wrong in how they identify. This is about questions I have surrounding the use of labels to identify things that shouldn’t need to be divvied up into their own little sections of humanity.

Humans have two genders (in this piece, I’m simply referring to biology and not personal identification; I’d never tell someone they weren’t the gender they felt) for one reason: that’s how we reproduce. The differences between boys and girls aren’t enough to bother dividing us yet that’s what societies do and have done for so long it can feel like science might back it. And this separation has helped gender roles develop to the point that they, too, felt natural and right but as the twenty-first century is showing us, it’s anything but. The only time when any kind of division is necessary is when it’s medical; as I am the proud owner of a penis, I’ll never be on a gynecologist’s table with my feet in stirrups because, duh. Basically, gender is a biological fact but any effect gender has on someone’s thoughts and actions and everything that makes an individual who they are is purely based on gender roles, a social construct.

Sexuality falls into the same trap as gender; whether a person is straight, gay, bi or any of the other ones which I can’t think of at the moment, is a creation of society. It’s been my long held belief that we are all bisexual (for lack of a better word) and fall along the wide spectrum because of religious dogma. Think about it; how many religions have a commandment similar to “go make lots of babies” somewhere in their histories? It was (and for some, is) super important to make more people like them and, because of science, only sex between boys and girls result in future generations (for now). Male-female pairings became the norm, in some places the law. In order for population growth that didn’t involve conquering, mating needed to be an imperative. Due to this, it’s no surprise that when someone came out and said “um, I’m totes into playing with the same sex” that they were seen as wrong and, thus, persecuted (a reaction not always seen in the ancient world, by the way). As we’ve come along, we’ve learned that there’s no danger in same sex relationships and poof sexualities became a thing and were given classifications.

So why are there so few non-straight people if it’s the way we’re meant to be? You try fighting against an entire, worldwide way of thinking. If we could get past this, I’ve no doubt that we’d see more and more people coming out as bisexual (as I also believe that gay is the opposite extreme to straight; rebel without a clue sort of thing).

The separation is what’s unnatural. Want proof? Check out any high school or college campus. The lines between sexualities are very blurred. The freedom of younger generations allow us all to see glimpses of the way we’re meant to be as it’s when we’re young we are more apt to experiment.

Okay, so now let’s get back to the point of this piece; I’ve put it off long enough and I’m sure you all have things to do.

Gender identity is a social construct created in response to some individuals who seem to defy the norm. They’re not, by the way, defying normal; they’re simply breaking away from what we’re taught about what it means to be a boy and what it means to be a girl and defining themselves in their own way. The truth is it means nothing once you accept the lack of differences between the genders. There’s no real way to feel like a boy; it’s simply what we’ve been taught how a boy should feel and act and react and say and all the other lessons that have been passed down in the names of masculine and feminine and the such. Forget those terms; they’re meaningless. Forget boys’ and girls’ departments. Forget men’s and women’s rooms. Forget that half the population has differing genitals. Forget all that you’ve been taught about how male and female are two halves of the human race.

Can you do that? I know, it’s a lot to let go of but I truly believe that we’re on our way there and that one day the social constructs that tell us how we should be will be cast off and sexuality and identity will become what it’s meant to be: personal and fluid and no one will need to label themselves as one way or another in order to find a way to fit in somewhere because we’ll all be part of one massive group of just people. After all, we’re all one race. Science says so.


unnamed-9Will Van Stone Jr. is a writer and an artist, born in Bridgeport, CT. He has always looked to the future and dreamed of what could be. After writing a short story in seventh grade, he discovered a love of writing that rivaled his love of reading. He currently lives in Ansonia, CT surrounded by character sketches and outlines. See more of his writing (and some artwork) at his site and find him on FacebookTwitter, Instagram, PinterestDeviantArt and Google+.

 

 

 

 

 


Hi y’all, Courtney here! I wanted to take a moment to comment on this article by my friend Will. I personally thought it was really awesome to read something like this from a cisgender person. He admits he isn’t one of us and that he may not “get it” per say, but he also talks about how gender is a social construct and I love the idea that if that construct didn’t exist, maybe we wouldn’t find the need to label ourselves in these ways.

I would also like to note that I respect his views on things, but would like to take a chance to talk more about race. “Race refers to a person’s physical characteristics, such as bone structure and skin, hair, or eye color.” However, Will makes a good point that scientifically, differences in race is extremely weak being really only skin color. But I want to make sure everyone is aware that he is referring to race (in a scientific way) and not ethnicity.

But I would love to know your thoughts on his theory!  

More of what Bisexuality IS Not

First, I want to say thank you to my friend Courtney for asking me and letting me write this post.

Bisexuals, omnisexuals, pansexuals, trisexuals, polysexuals and any other multi- gender attracted sexualiteshave several misconceptions about them. Courtney covered some of them. Not necessarily polyamorous. Not necessarily cheaters. Not flirts. But, there are other misconceptions.

People of these sexualities are not greedy. Even though they may be attracted to multiple genders, that does not mean that they want to have more than one lover at any one time. As Courtney mentioned, they can be monogamous. People from every sexuality can be in either monogamous relationship or polygamous. As a person whose sexuality is omnisexual, I have always been in a monogamous relationship. And, I am currently married, have been for several years.

Another misconception is people think that we are promiscuous. Regardless of the type of relationship, or the relationship status, it does not mean that we are going to sleep around.

You can be attracted to more than one gender and not act on your attraction. My wife knows some of the people that I am attracted to. She does not have a problem with my attractions as long as nothing comes of it, as long as I do not act on it.

Please, everyone, remember multi-gender attraction sexualities just means that we are attracted to more than one gender.
-Dimitri Draegon